Now is the time we begin to hear how different things will be as we begin to travel again. Slowly but surely, we will be advised of the new necessary precautions and procedures we can expect when we finally venture to far flung destinations.

Airlines are scrambling to set into place what’s needed for the health and safety of passengers, playing a fine balancing act to make the passenger as comfortable as possible, so as to not put them off from travelling regularly.

It is easy to think of the things we will miss the most. The luxury travelers amongst us with Elite airline status can expect a very different experience, both prior to boarding and once on the plane. I see Elite status as having less differentiation, making it more insignificant to an airlines most loyal flyers. The premium paid for a Business Class ticket will no longer look of decent value.

Airline lounges will be different beasts, with less lounge choices at most International hubs along with reduced personal service and a far smaller and more basic food and beverage choice, with far less passenger capacity (possibly a good thing) and a tiered system of entry.

Once on board, passengers can expect just as many differences, particularly with seating arrangements, which will likely vary from carrier to carrier. I can’t speculate on this as plans are only just beginning to unfold, but I do believe the premium offerings on airlines will all be reduced significantly.

There is always an upside to such drastic change, however. Now is a good time to consider the things that I believe we won’t miss. What I call “The Unmissable”, the elements of flying that caused us frustration, annoyance, and sometimes…nausea.

THE AIRPORT CONCOURSE

The sheer volume of people flying had been increasing exponentially for many years. In my last couple of years travelling there were numerous times that I could barely move in even the biggest airports. Such a crowded mass of people, everywhere. This instilled an unnecessary sense of urgency, where I felt compelled to move at an unnaturally fast pace, zipping past all the slow, confused, directionless passengers grappling with nasty old (mostly black) generic suitcases with broken wheels, dragging them so low behind that others would trip over them or need to strategically dodge them.

This regular stress-filled experience will be the first that I won’t miss. For it will take a considerable amount of time before passenger numbers get anywhere near what they were pre-COVID. At least for a while, the airport should be less frenetic whilst in the airport lobby. Strict controls on crowding will be par for the course when passenger numbers increase, so being sandwiched in close to so many others will be a thing of the past.

This will also apply to the lounges, which have been so overcrowded in recent years, making them far less special and more unpleasant places to await your flight.

AT THE GATE

At the airport gates, distancing will also be enforced. I won’t miss the passengers right behind you or seated right next to you breathing down your neck. Thank goodness.

Face masks and possibly temperature checks are going to be standard whilst boarding, and on many carriers, throughout the flight. I am not averse to this. It’s a wise call. Passengers pushing to the front when boarding commences will cease. Order will be expected and for the health and safety of all, anything else won’t be tolerated.

ON THE PLANE

I won’t miss the cabin crush upon entering the plane if you are not lucky enough to be in the pointy end. Crammed in the aisle, with barely an inch between you and the next hot, sweaty, uncomfortable passenger, with your face thrust into someones nasty portable neck cushion or bulging backpack, having been pushed from someone behind you. This will be gone forever, with staggered entry the new normal and limited numbers allowed at any one time, all spaced apart. Heaven.

The visibly sick simply won’t be allowed to board. What peace of mind that will bring. I won’t miss that sick passenger who coughs endlessly in the seat behind you, and the knowledge that you will inevitably catch his cold or…virus, in the days to come.

You can imagine the reaction when someone does have a coughing fit on the plane. The daggers from fellow passengers, the requests to change seats, the horror and panic in many. Possibly even verbal abuse. Even an obvious slight sniffle or two will make nervous wrecks of the entire cabin.

I won’t miss the queues for the loo. Lingering in that area just won’t be allowed. How this will be controlled is a bit puzzling, however. What, do we just have to get up and then return back to our seat and then go back again until the area is empty and a lavatory is vacant? Who knows. But how particularly delightful to not have to stare in the disheveled faces of the just-woken-from-slumber pajama clad passengers, busting for a wee.

LETTING OFF STEAM

This deserves special mention. I imagine you’re thinking I’m talking about complaining, annoyed passengers. Nope, I’m talking about the farting.

With distancing likely to be enforced on most airlines, the potential for a wafting fart to hover underneath your nose will be lessened. Everyone knows what I mean here. Farts are a constant on planes, and on a plane, there is nowhere for a fart to escape to. It is a known fact that cabin air pressure promotes wind. There is a particular potency of a fart in a contained cabin, and I’m convinced it picks my nose to linger under as a first choice.

Plane farts are always of the “silent buy deadly” kind. You don’t hear them, they sneak out quietly, in the quest to find the perfect victims. Once found, a plane fart tends to linger a lot more than a fart on the ground. It settles like a painful guest you just can’t get rid of. When the always unpleasant aroma first hits you, you can expect to be living with it for quite some time.

No matter what you do to get away from it, the invisible invader will not leave you. Reclining your seat to full flat bed, pulling the blanket over your head, even retreating quickly to the bathroom. None of this will work. Freddie Fart has found you, and he likes you!

From my experience the peak time for farting is usually after meal service, when passengers have got through every course and eaten far more than their busting frames should. After the chocolate ganache, the cheeses and the port. This is the time that passengers really let rip. They’re not going to leave their comfort cocoons to do one in the bathroom. No way – not mid-movie, or through binging Game Of Thrones, and with cognac in hand. Settled back in full recliner mode, blanket over them, hopefully able to contain the monster fart within. Nope – that fart will always travel through the cabin.

I mean, letting one off in a packed economy cabin must be a sheer nightmare. At least you can slide down and hide up in the pointy end.

I really, really, won’t miss the farts. I pray that the distancing will help prevent their common occurrence.

EXITING THE AIRCRAFT

The push to leave the plane will also be something I won’t miss. This will also be as staggered as the entry was. Certain passengers’ attitude to push and queue, this too, will cease. Everyone, one way or another, premium passenger or not, will be somewhat equal.

Just think about it. What’s the harm in forgoing some of the luxurious add-ons we once enjoyed, when we can look forward to not experiencing all, or some of the above? The new measures adopted by airlines may well make the experience a lot less stressful and more pleasant. I am looking forward to seeing what transpires.